


Comorbidity

by raven_aorla



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Ableism, Banter, Disability, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Light Bondage, M/M, Mako/Raleigh up to interpretation, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Non-Graphic Violence, Polyamory, Polyfidelity, mention of BDSM, mention of self harm, mild petplay, reference to consensual incest, soulbond or residual empathy or whatever you want to call it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-31
Updated: 2013-07-31
Packaged: 2017-12-22 00:25:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/906726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raven_aorla/pseuds/raven_aorla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A term used in psychology to describe having more than one disorder at the same time. </p><p>Hermann and Newt afterwards, and how they cope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comorbidity

The PPDC offered to send Dr. Gottlieb and Dr. Geiszler to any university or research center in the world with stellar references and severance packages that were relatively obscene for a world just beginning to rebuild. Or, they could remain in Hong Kong, battered and scarred though it was, and lend their expertise towards finding new uses for Jaeger technology and putting safeguards in place should a new Breach ever open again. 

Tendo Choi started a little when both scientists responded in unison, "We'll stay here."

Marshall Hansen simply smiled at the corner of his mouth, though the smile made him shake a little, and he couldn't meet the eyes of the others in the room. "You'll probably prefer quarters elsewhere than this rustbucket, I'm guessing. We'll have someone look up suitable flats nearby for you to choose from."

They chose one with a single bedroom. Hermann pointed out that it would be cheaper and leave more of their salaries free for food and disposable income. Newt agreed and talked about how it'd be selfish of them to get a bigger place than they needed with so many people struggling for adequate shelter, how they'd conserve electricity, how if Hermann got a leg spasm in the middle of the night Newt could help him. The sooner Hermann got back to sleep the less grouchy he'd be the next day, after all.

At the dinner where the scientists explained all these reasons, often finishing each other's sentences in the process, Raleigh and Mako were both polite enough not to point out how bad they were at lying.

.....

"I've never been so frightened yet in some strange way exhilarated."

"I have, but I like this reason better. I know a place along that alley where we can get a mattress that feels almost like down but isn't, since you're allergic to feathers and real down is overpriced anyway. They deliver so we won't have to try and lug it home."

"See, I'm enjoying eerie domesticity with my hyperactive lab partner. I'm still not entirely convinced that the Apocalypse has been cancelled. Given such developments, I mean."

"If you get worn out on the trip back we can pay for a rickshaw. I should make you a cane that's properly sized for your height. And when it comes to your existential crisis, I'm sure as long as mathematics still do their thing and you and I still argue a few times a week you'll cope. Ooh, there's a sale on solar-powered desk lamps!"

......

"All right, that's enough unpacking for today," Newt gasped, draping himself backwards over one of the cardboard boxes like he was offering himself up on a sacrificial altar.

Hermann looked over his shoulder from where he'd been sorting utensils in the cutlery drawer. The kitchen tiles had mold creeping across it but he'd hand Newt a bottle of white vinegar and a sponge on a day when the man didn't look quite so exhausted. They'd agreed tasks that involved extensive crouching should go to the person whose limbs were in perfect working order. "This does mean we won't have any plates."

"We can use paper towels."

"We won't have clothes, either."

"We've seen each other naked, though usually not while sober, and it's going to be humid as Purgatory tonight."

"I've never heard Purgatory described as particularly humid," Hermann said, limping over to prod Newt into a position where he wouldn't get a vicarious backache in a few hours. "I hope you unpacked your medication."

Newt's eyes were shut and his glasses slipping down his forehead. "So we are going to talk about it. I was wondering."

"I'm afraid we should. It's less likely to turn into another of our shouting matches if you put yourself in a chair like a civilized person and not a ridiculous toddler." 

"I can't say humid as Hell, you see, cause Hell's not supposed to have lots of water so it'd be really arid, well, Judeo-Christian Hell anyway, the Norse Hel was perpetual snow and ice. Did you know that the Norse myths of Ragnarok said that some of the signs of the world ending would be big-ass serpents coming out of the sea and people succumbing to despair and incest? Cause that would explain some of the Jaeger copilots..."

It was a foolish move, but Hermann yanked Newt to something resembling upright, even though both of them nearly toppled over as a result. Newt winced but opened his eyes and meekly took the chair across the little dining table from Hermann. 

"I'm not angry about you not informing me," Hermann began. Something tightened in his throat when he saw, and even felt, Newt's almost pathetic level of relief. "I can understand not wanting to make it common knowledge."

"Only Pentecost knew. He - he made sure I could get the meds I needed, and told me he'd keep it confidential from the medics like I wanted him to as long as I took them like I was supposed to."

"Have you had - do you see a psychiatrist or some other professional?"

Newt placed the side of his face on the table, soothing the burning under his skin with the cool woodgrain plastic. His glasses remained lopsided and Hermann sighed and took them off and folded them neatly for safekeeping. "I stopped when we came to the Shatterdome. Busy. Not enough privacy. People thought I was crazy already. Hard enough to get people to listen. Bad enough that sometimes I don't believe I'm right either. Couldn't get a new prescription, technically wasn't supposed to get refills, but the Marshal fudged paperwork."

"I shouldn't have called you a madman."

"No, you shouldn't have."

"Though you are reckless."

"Yeah."

"And immature."

"Yeah."

"I assume you've been feeling my leg cramps."

Newt lifted his head a few millimeters. "How'd you know?"

"Because even if it weren't obvious that simple weariness doesn't account for your current state after you've been acting like a pomeranian on amphetamines, I think I'm experiencing your neurotransmitter malfunctions, or at least an echo of them."

Without warning, the other man clasped Hermann's nearest hand in one of his, not tightly enough to hurt but with great need nonetheless. "I am so sorry. I am so, so, so, so sorry."

"I did it to keep you alive. And I don't regret it." After a pause, Hermann added, "I might regret it later, but at least I'll consider it a waste of all my effort to kill you after the fact."

Newt laughed and his voice only croaked once. "I say we eat something and you take your pain stuff and I take my happy-but-not-too-happy stuff and we take turns showering or co-shower and then we cuddle. Cause now I know you actually liked the cuddling we didn't talk about after the sad awkward makeouts we didn't talk about. No matter how much you harrumph and glower."

"I think that will be agreeable, yes."

So they did.

.....

"Sometimes I feel like I was the bigger idiot all along."

"Dude, I earned that title and you're not taking it away from me just cause my magnificent lovemaking skills have messed with your head."

"I meant because I held you at such an arms-length except for when we were both desperate for some kind of contact and consequently botched our chances at genuine closeness, you twat."

"I like being an idiot better than a twat. Save the 'twat' for when you're actually mad and not just teasing."

"That's fair. I hope I haven't called you anything too close to the bone during our rows. You only did that once, when you said I was weak, and you apologized."

"You called me things based on things I actually did and said and not my diagnosis. So we were cool. By me, at least. Even then. Cool as cucumbers in a pod of frenemies."

"Sleep, darling, you're starting to babble."

"Okay, but only if you keep being right here."

.......

It turned out Hermann's leg hurt less when the pain was spread across two people.

It turned out Newt's times of hollow ache in his chest and the grayness of his mind's-eye, the loss of enthusiasm for nearly everything, the fake smiles stretched thin - these were easier, too, when shared, and when understood.

Their productivity and tempers suffered as they adjusted to these things, though. Their own trials were less but they were each dealing with a new disability they had never personally experienced before.

Marshal Hansen, who inherited the personnel files and any confidential or classified information included in them, and moreover knew a good team member wasn't the always same thing as a well-adjusted team member, helped them find a therapist who specialized in helping clients cope with Drift side effects. 

Their therapist was impressed by how much two people so in sync who cared for each other so much still managed to scream such a wide variety of multilingual insults at each other. She was even more impressed that they were fine again immediately after, without resentment or needing to ask forgiveness.

.....

"I noticed that your hot-water bottle keeps going room temperature way too fast. I rigged a safe heater insulatey thingy."

"I'm actually finding your modes of speech charming. Must be the muscle relaxants altering my judgement."

"Is that good? I think it's a good temperature but sometimes I get you and me mixed up in my head."

"I am increasingly familiar with that phenomenon...Very good. Thank you. You may as well burrow over here, you're a good temperature as well."

"Plus five coziness achievement unlocked!"

"...I'm not sure I want to know."

.......

Now Hermann knew what self-inflicted scars Newt's ink was covering and had felt that craving to bruise and bleed despite all logic. Now Newt knew which days to bite back his retorts and save the complaints for a time when the agony was a dull throb and not white-hot searing. 

Every morning they woke in a tangled lump. No matter how demurely they tucked themselves in to start with. It was pleasant after they got a decent air conditioner, and Newt's habit of winding himself into a blanket burrito didn't result in drowsy tug-of-war like it had the few times they'd collapsed in the same bunk before everything changed.

Newt teased Hermann for dreaming of going on a date with actress Freema Agyeman on four separate nights. They watched a bunch of Doctor Who anyway. After six of Newt's nightmares, on the other hand, Hermann wanted to have a long, in-depth talk with a certain few physical education teachers. If kaiju had regrettably not killed them already, of course.

.......

"You need to eat and wash and get proper sleep."

"Merfpt."

"Even so."

"Blurngh."

"Newton, you know what it'd do to me if you fell apart."

"...Goddammit, why must I love you and your guilt-tripping ways?"

"Stating the facts, not being manipulative, and you know I...it's just neurotransmitters...We're more than that. I promise."

.........

Spending more than a few hours apart gave Newt meltdowns. Meanwhile, it gave Hermann such awe-inspiring levels of belligerence that once, during what was supposed to be a friendly poker night after a long workday, Raleigh went and kidnapped Newt from the department store two blocks away where he'd been getting new shirts. He carried him back despite all protests and shoved him in Hermann's direction. 

"But I'm terrible at poker! And you scooped me up in the middle of the Marks & Spencer like a wandering puppy or something." 

Raleigh shrugged. "It was the only way to make your other half bearable."

Mako smirked behind the book she was reading. "It's for the greater good, Newton, and I like your company too." People who had shared a Drift usually couldn't bluff each other ever again. Going against Raleigh would be futile. She enjoyed simply being among friends.

Tendo held a drink out to Newt without taking his eyes off his current hand. "I think it might be made from real barley and something resembling hops."

Herc Hansen - never "Marshal" when off-duty among this group of veterans - said, "Seems Dr. Gottlieb gets intolerably stroppy without his wandering puppy, so take a seat or work on your codependence issues, the choice is yours."

Newt's attempts at glaring always looked more like pouting, but Hermann stopped holding in laughter for long enough to say, "Raleigh may be thuggish at times, but it's true I'll focus better in your presence." So Newt ended up sitting on the floor next to his partner, sipping tolerably realistic beery beverage and plotting the deaths of anyone who dared comment. Especially if they dared comment on Hermann sometimes playing with Newt's hair while considering his next move.

Hermann bought Newt a ukelele with part of his winnings from that night, with the stipulation that Newt was only allowed to practice it on weekends and no later than 1 AM . To show his gratitude, Newt figured out how to play Schubert on ukelele in a vaguely recognizable way. At least it was vaguely recognizable if a listener with great familiarity with the composer followed along with care and tolerance. And also had a residual psychic connection with the person playing. Points for effort.

.......

"You know you're disturbingly sexy, right?"

"I know you believe so. You're appallingly endearing."

"Hee. C'mere, you dorky genius man."

........

When the hypomania wheeled back around, it thrummed through them both, a few weeks of sloppy brilliance and unfocused persistence. Since Hermann was less affected by it but could now truly understand the feeling, he was able to point Newt in a direction where his hyperactivity would do some good and channel his own mania-by-proxy into useful accomplishments.

They learned that sex acts which seemed great and felt great at the time could be regrettable in hindsight, so Newt started a list of Things Not to Attempt While Affected By Excessive Dopamine and Serotonin. It soon expanded beyond sex acts to include things like impulse purchases, planning new experiments, asking for grants or raises, meeting new people, and being a guest speaker anywhere at all.

Accepting an offer to meet Hannibal Chau should probably have been on the list. It hadn't been due to the fair enough assumption that being swallowed whole by a premature infant kaiju would be fatal. Good thing its digestive system had not yet developed enough to have scalding stomach acid and that Hannibal had a knife and a sturdy survival instinct at all times. 

"He really wants his shoe back, though," Newt said, polishing the shoe in question, which he had retained out of respect for the man who indirectly made their Drift and everything that followed after possible, and also out of fear that throwing it out would result in a vengeful haunting. 

"He said it was one of his favorite shoes and Hansen gave me this brief about stuff we're able to offer Hannibal and his people if they hand over the kaiju parts they have and share anything they've learned. You know I've been trying to figure out what to do with all the stuff I'm an expert on - I mean I have multiple doctorates but I'm the world's best xenobiologist and yeah, not that much competition but that just makes my expertise more valuable - but what could I do with it that's useful without anything more to work on, and there's a bunch of companies that are going to sponsor medical research to see if there are legit medicinal uses or if it's just a bunch of conman hooey, and they're going to give enough funding that I can get a bigger lab with assistants I can boss around and have do all the boring stuff, plus if there's any brainbits left we could study the hive mind thing, and if the kaiju ever come back - of course I don't actually want them to - but forewarned is forearmed and -"

At least grabbing Newt and kissing him was more pleasant for both of them than shouting at him to shut up and breathe. With a steadying hand on either side of Newt's face, Hermann said, "I was briefed as well while you were busy acting like a decapitated chicken but with more flailing. I have been assured that even though Chau wants to meet you alone that there will be backup to come assist you if you are in danger. So you have my blessing. I do want you to text me as often as possible, though, and especially if you have to make any decisions. Understood?"

Newt beamed, rapturous even with a rag and a tin full of shoe polish in his hands. "I love you."

"Your love is reciprocated. Before you go get those smears out of your hands, put on a clean shirt, and let me fasten your necktie since you can't even do a decent half-Windsor knot, for God's sake."

"Sir, yes sir!"

.......

6:03 PM  
satisfied with condition of shoe. I can breathe now

6:17 PM  
this dinner is like Roman Emperor level, holy shit. 

6:48 PM  
laughed at my stories and says I have moxie I'm not sure what that means but smiling is good right

7:21 PM  
wtfffff his minion guy insulted me and chau was like say sorry and dude was begging forgiviness and I was like its chill but chau fking stabbed dudes HAND

8:04 PM  
business discussion done and chau emailed hansen with me cced i know you know my password go look its ok

8:15  
he doesnt want me to go yet i don't think he wants to hurt me but wtf else does he want

8:55  
omg he caught me texting and read them and i explained you and me

9:12  
wants to meet you too???

9:23  
omfgomfg he kissed me 

9:25  
I didnt kiss back i promise

9:58  
says deal is good no matter what but he can share if you can

10:02  
how is this my life

10:18  
coming home now 

.....

Hermann folded his hands on top of the desk, gazing straight into the web camera in lieu of eye contact. "Mr. Chau, I appreciate you agreeing to this call."

The gargantuan, yet surprisingly genial, crime lord grinned. "Figured if Jaeger teams are crazy protective then you two must be even worse. Especially because you only participated in the stunt because you didn't want him melting his brains out his ears. Serious devotion right there. Can't pay for that kinda loyalty."

"Thank you. Now I understand that in return for your various biological samples and full transparency with the researchers in your employ, as well as the role your syndicate has played in preventing looting and violence against the general public during recent turmoil, that you have been pardoned for your previous illegal activities. On paper you have a record as clean as mine. That said, I have sufficient influence to make it all come back, plus interest, should the slightest harm come to Dr. Newton Geiszler as a result of him choosing to associate with you on a personal basis."

"I believe you. In fact, if you get tired of your government gig I'd be happy putting you on the payroll for leading my group that's coming up with commercial uses for the Jaeger tech. I know you helped develop the first few models. You and the kid are both smart, but you - you've got cold steel down your spine and that's worth a lot."

That was unexpected. It took a moment to formulate a response. "Your offer is generous. However, I'm not interested."

"I'm looking to go legit, don't you know? Or at least somewhat. Maybe like that deal the Yakuza has with the Japanese police, where they can do their thing if they don't cause trouble for the ordinary people and keep the fighting in the underworld where nobody who gets hurt doesn't deserve it. During wartime it's easy to slip between the cracks in the law. Now that there won't be any new kaiju to slice up it's diversify or die, and it'll be a lot simpler if it doesn't all have to stay hidden."

"I leave any judgment of your moral character towards Newton. I do my best to look after him but I do not make his decisions for him. If you treat him with honesty and responsibility as a sexual partner or however you two interact, I will not intervene and I will not have it poison my relationship with him, and I will continue to be civil towards you." 

Hannibal Chau whistled. "That's some confidence."

"Nobody else could hope to match my level of intimacy with Newton. His desire to engage in activities he knows I would not enjoy, but with someone else instead, is logical and no commentary on his affection for me. If you have nothing else to discuss with me at this time, I have a great deal of work to do."

"Lovely chat, Dr. Gottlieb. Tell your boyfriend we've hashed it out and it's up to him now."

.....

"You have amazing toes," Newt said from where he was comfortably handcuffed and curled up on a large and floppy cushion under the dining table. 

Hermann paused in his double-checking several pages of calculations for accuracy. "Newt, you know full well pets don't talk except to use a safe word."

"I'm sorry."

"You're forgiven, but one more time and I'll get the gag and bell." The bell was to replace the safe word if he couldn't talk. "Your other master isn't as lenient as I am, but don't take advantage of my lighter hand."

Newt nuzzled a sweatpants-clad shin as compensation and was quiet for the rest of the prearranged scene time. Hermann was only comfortable with moderate bondage and indulging Newt's occasional yearning to act more literally like a puppy than usual. He lacked the confidence and skill to inflict the safe kinds of pain that Newt also liked. 

When Newt got caned or beaten by a conscientious Dom, though, Hermann experienced an echo of the physical sensations. Which turned out to be an unexpected solution to a problem he'd had since his teens and first became aware of his own kinks. This way he could get the results without having to deal with the anxiety of being vulnerable with someone besides Newt, whose every attempt at being a top, a Dom, or even particularly bossy turned into cringing apologies and a need for immediate reassurance. 

Hannibal found it hilarious that he was in effect having threeways on a regular basis with one of the participants never being physically present. Hermann sometimes joined them for dinner or tea but refused further direct involvement. 

.....

"I've decided you can call me crazy without me being upset by it."

"Oh?"

"As long as you mean crazy with happiness."

"I see. Well, you are free to acknowledge that you are my weakness."

"It's a deal, mind-meld buddy."

"Please don't call me that one, though."

"Fine."

"The endorphin rush from this afternoon was extraordinary, by the way."

"I'll pass along your compliments to the Chief."

"Don't you dare."

"All right. Only because you manipulate me with your manly wiles."

"Go to sleep darling-"

"I'm babbling, I know. Okay, but only if you keep being right here."

"Always."


End file.
